Life

One thing I’d change about myself #FridayReflections

September 30, 2016

I have lots of flaws. Flaws that could be considered quirks. Flaws that don’t affect others. Flaws that can be funny. Some things I have learnt to live with. Like my tendency to catastrophise for example. Or that I am constantly running late in the mornings. But there is one thing about myself I don’t like at all.

It’s a side of me not many people see. But unfortunately, it’s a side people I’m close to bear the brunt of.

I’ve been working now as a psychologist for almost nine years. Nine long years. And I love it most of the time. I listen to a lot of stories. Stories about stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, broken relationships, broken hearts, broken homes. While listening to all this, I’m generally almost always compassionate and empathic. Most of my clients like me and appreciate that I listen to them.

So what does this have to do with something I want to change about myself?

Well, the problem is, I give so much at work, I find when I come home, I have nothing left for people I care. I find I have trouble being empathic and trouble listening. I judge. I problem-solve. I’m harsh. Depending on how tired I am, I can also be quite critical and cruel. And then, after all that, I regret it.

Because I’m not someone who likes to hurt others, deliberately or otherwise. I value being kind and compassionate but I realise I haven’t been that way to people I love. I talked about this with my supervisor last year and she did tell me that in helping professions, we sometimes give so much at work, we end up pushing away the people we love because we have nothing more to give them emotionally. And of course, let’s not forget we have our own demons to deal with.

I understand I’m human and it can be hard to listen after spending four to six hours a day doing just that. But I do wish I could pull back on the criticism and the cruelty. Because that’s not who I want to be.

In the end, in life, it’s not my clients who are going to be there with me or for me.

It’s family and friends and loved ones.

So why then, do I push them all away?

Is there one thing you would like to change about yourself? 

Do share!

Living my Imperfect Life

If you are new to Friday Reflections, here’s what it’s about. It’s the end of the week, you’re probably exhausted with work, and all you want to do is sit back, put your feet up, sip on some fancy cocktail or wine, and write away.

Write Tribe and yours truly give you writing prompts and all you have to do is choose any one of those prompts to blog about and link up every Friday. The link will be open till the Monday. After you link up, be sure to spread the love by visiting other bloggers who have linked up too.

Feel free to add our Friday Reflections badge to your post or sidebar! Follow us on Twitter @FridayReflect and join our Facebook Group. Share your post on social media with the hashtag #FridayReflections.

Prompts for this week:
1. What would you do if someone just gave you 1 million dollars?
2. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be
3. Write on any of the prompts from September that you haven’t written on before. (Check out the previous posts this month for prompts)
4. “A room without books is like a body without a soul.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero Use this in your post or as an inspiration for one
5. Picture Prompt (credit Living my Imperfect Life)

friref3009

Our featured writer this week was Vanessa for her creative take on wondering if toys had feelings.

In the mean time, why don’t you write a post on one of the above prompts and link up. You could be our featured writer next week!

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

SANCH_sig1

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13 Comments

  • Reply Roshan R September 30, 2016 at 1:59 AM

    Reading this post felt like reading a diary in my head… you and I are a lot alike. I too do a lot outside for everyone and by the time I come home, I am just too mentally exhausted with everything in my life and the ones nearest to me suffer for it at times.
    Roshan R recently posted…Can Compassion be Aggressive? #1000SpeakMy Profile

  • Reply Ness September 30, 2016 at 9:07 AM

    I’ve often wondered how psychologists and all doctors switch off and leave all that stuff behind when they go home. It must be incredibly hard. I really admire people who do it, because I couldn’t for that reason.

    I’ve linked up an old post because it fits into the prompt. Hope that’s okay. I’d change my tendency to over think. It wastes so much energy!
    Ness recently posted…If Toys Had FeelingsMy Profile

  • Reply Denyse September 30, 2016 at 10:24 PM

    I know how this is from both a personal experience and someone very close to me being in a similar profession. I tended to develop a teflon coating as best as I could. It was the only way I could care but also not absorb the issues. I hope that this doesn’t sound like I didn’t care, I did but I needed to self-preserve too. It didn’t work properly anyway over the long term once my role as a principal became much more challenging and in the end I had to leave the role. Too long a story to tell here, but keeping ourselves well in a helping profession is hard indeed!
    Denyse recently posted…Random September Pics. 366/274.My Profile

  • Reply Mithila Menezes @fabulus1710 September 30, 2016 at 11:51 PM

    It really gets crazy for the loved ones to be sympathetic all the time. I mean, there will always be this nagging thought in their minds that ‘so-and-so cares so much for other people, why aren’t they so sensitive to our needs? Aren’t we more important?’
    A thought provoking read indeed.
    Mithila Menezes @fabulus1710 recently posted…M-m-million dollars!My Profile

  • Reply Ankita October 1, 2016 at 4:19 AM

    I feel your pain, Sanch. We all try to be patient, kind and caring with our loved ones for as long as we can; however, the truth is that sometimes we are just tired. I remember once my sister was going through a crisis in her love-life. She was shedding so many tears for “the guy” that I just couldn’t take it anymore. I explained all the ways she was exaggerating the whole situation and that some people have real problems, not this teenage drama, and still, they don’t cry. However, she called me judgemental. I was crushed because I try not to judge my family. Well, c’est la vie!

  • Reply Deborah October 1, 2016 at 7:58 AM

    Work used to be my life Sanch. Back in Brisbane I worked long hours for government and always monitored my email and phone after hours because many of my roles involved working closely with Ministers’ offices and the like. It’d mean I’d be emailing before work and on my way to work and then I’d be switched on all day.

    Because I lived alone had few commitments I also thought about work at night and on weekends. It was hard to switch off. Part of me thrived on that – the edginess of my work. But when I realised the ‘family’ thing wasn’t going to happen I considered the life stretching ahead of me. I was in my early-mid 40s and I tried to imagine another 20-25yrs of that and decided I needed something different.
    Deborah recently posted…Problogger Event 2016: Five learningsMy Profile

  • Reply inthegoodbooksblog October 1, 2016 at 8:39 AM

    Try not to be too hard on yourself Sanch, I too am quick to point out the worst in myself, but see the positives too as I am sure they far outweigh the negatives

  • Reply Shalini October 2, 2016 at 4:17 PM

    Yes. It sucks. Big time! But I would ask you not to be hard on yourself, dear Sanch. It is okay to switch off.
    Shalini recently posted…If I Could Change One Thing About MyselfMy Profile

  • Reply Sunita Saldhana October 3, 2016 at 3:38 AM

    I can so relate to this. I’ve learnt over the years to give where it matters the most. It is tough, but then home is also where I refuel by getting the love and encouragement from those who love me. So while at work, I am getting depleted, at home I am getting deposits of love to carry on as well!
    Sunita Saldhana recently posted…No Books!My Profile

  • Reply Grace October 6, 2016 at 10:42 PM

    It’s hard when you expend all our energy to work and have little or nothing left for our home life. For me, I need to be less hard on myself. To see mistakes as an opportunity rather than something completely fatalistic.
    Grace recently posted…FYBF – Trash and TreasureMy Profile

  • Reply Improve Your Observation Skills To Write Better - Write Tribe October 14, 2016 at 10:46 PM

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  • Reply M-m-million dollars! – broken blue bubbles April 11, 2017 at 6:48 PM

    […] this post to Sanch’s for the #FridayReflections. The prompt is: What would you do if someone just gave you a million […]

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