Me, Myself and I

Fish out of water #FridayReflections

July 14, 2017

Have you ever felt like a fish out of water? You know those situations where you just don’t belong and either just fake it or else escape it? Yeah those. I’ve felt like a fish out of water several times in my life but there was one a couple of weeks ago that really got me thinking.

I am at an age where a lot of people I know are in relationships or married. So far though, none of my friends here has kids. Couple of weekends ago, I went on a weekend getaway with two couples. Turns out, one set is pregnant and expecting at the end of the year {that was news to us} and the other have been trying {which we know about}. The weekend quickly became one where a lot of the conversation revolved around pregnancy and baby-related stuff.

So yeah, I totally felt like a fish out of water.

Not just because I was newly single but also because even when in a relationship, I had wanted to remain child-free.

Being child-free is a choice I made a couple of years ago. It’s a choice that obviously has its critics. I’ve had people tell me I’ll change my mind or that it’ll be different if it’s my own child. I’ve usually retorted with ‘You can’t try before you buy‘. Because really, having a child is a commitment. One I’m not keen on making.

I don’t dislike kids. Sure I prefer kids that are smart and easier to communicate with as well as teenagers but basically, I am not the mothering kind. I will support and advocate for the kids and young people I see at work, I’ll empathise and validate and help them with their problems, but at the end of the day, I don’t have to take them home with me.

People who want to have babies think it’s a flaw in women like me who don’t want to be mothers. They seem to think we are doing something unnatural or immoral.

You know what I think? I think it’s just a case of sour grapes. I think parents, when burdened with bills and the pressures of parenting, look at child-free individuals who either travel, are independent or can actually live on their own terms, they feel envious. And how can they feel better about their lives? By passing moral judgement on those they are envious of.

I wish people would stop stigmatising those of us who choose to be child-free. We don’t pick on you for your choice to populate the planet.

Let’s just let each other be.

If you are new to Friday Reflections, here’s what it’s about. It’s the end of the week, you’re probably exhausted with work, and all you want to do is sit back, put your feet up, sip on some fancy cocktail or wine, and write away.

Corinne from Everyday Gyaan and yours truly give you one writing prompts a week to blog about and link up every Friday. The link will be open till the Monday. After you link up, be sure to spread the love by visiting other bloggers who have linked up too.

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The prompt for this week is ‘Fish out of Water’

You can link up your posts below and don’t forget to share the love!


Our prompt for 21st July 2017 is “Then I wondered if everybody has that person that haunts them, the one that got away.” ― Marlon James, A Brief History of Seven Killings. Use this quote in your post or as an inspiration for one

Until next time,

Cheers!

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13 Comments

  • Reply Fay July 14, 2017 at 9:17 AM

    good for u sanch!!! Screw having kids if that’s not what u want. U help young people every day of your life. I think it is envy! I think it takes as much strength to say u don’t want them knowing you won’t be the best parent you can then to say you won’t them and secretly resent having them! I have two and I love them with all my heart BUT I miss my freedom so much it hurts!!!

  • Reply Vanessa July 14, 2017 at 10:49 AM

    I totally agree. I could not stand the idea of some small creature being attached to me for a few years nearly non stop.
    I have been told so many times in my life, on so many different topics, that I’ll change my mind on what the popular thing is. Nope. So far, I never have.
    I find it really irritating because why is it so hard to just respect someone’s choice?
    Vanessa recently posted…#ArchiveLove 35My Profile

    • Reply Sanch Writes July 15, 2017 at 9:08 AM

      Agree on all counts…I’d rather have several cats and dogs instead! Funny story — I saw a card at a bookstore last week that said ‘Congrats on your baby…it’s like having a cat, only less important.’ I really need to buy that card and several copies of it! 😀

  • Reply Fishy Tales #FridayReflections – Nappy Tales and Me July 14, 2017 at 11:15 AM

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  • Reply Bellybytes July 14, 2017 at 11:32 AM

    Well Sanch we all feel fish out of water when we are swimming in the wrong stream. I feel it when I am with a group of young, smart, professional women . I feel it when I am at my husband’s alumni meeting. I even feel it when I attend my two year old grandson’s party. And yes, I do agree with you that people should let other people be but please remember that being a fish out of water is common for all of us!

  • Reply Lata Sunil July 14, 2017 at 2:42 PM

    I so echo Sunita’s thoughts here. We all feel like fish out of water at some point in life. Like being in my office group where 95% population is male and all I get to hear is cars, gears and hybrids. Such is life.
    Lata Sunil recently posted…Cover Reveal : Avishi by Saiswaroopa IyerMy Profile

  • Reply The Unknown Journey Ahead July 14, 2017 at 8:16 PM

    I also echo Sunita’s thoughts. Right now I feel like a fish in water because I am having to ask for a lot of help, and a lot of acronyms and concepts are being thrown at me – dealing with government programs can be like that, but I’m drowning in detail! I know, at some point, I won’t feel like a fish out of water – until the next time. We all go through it, and we all work our way through it. I was childless for many years, and I also agree that decision is personal, and unique to yourself (and any loved one in your life).
    The Unknown Journey Ahead recently posted…The Worry PlateMy Profile

  • Reply Parul Thakur July 14, 2017 at 11:04 PM

    I couldn’t agree more. I have stayed away from writing about this topic but the deal is that people think you are too self-centered to not have babies. The pressure and suggestions get too overwhelming. I have days when I don’t call folks who I know will lecture me. This particularly happens when a younger cousin shares ‘the news’. Oh Man, Fish out of water is the word.
    Parul Thakur recently posted…#ThursdayTreeLove – 17My Profile

    • Reply Sanch Writes July 15, 2017 at 9:06 AM

      I read somewhere it’s actually selfish to want to have children as they are people who want ‘mini-mes’ and it also is not good for the environment currently. So I think people need to re-evaluate our supposed selfishness for NOT wanting children!

  • Reply A Fish Out Of Water #FridayReflections - Everyday Gyaan July 15, 2017 at 1:51 PM

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  • Reply Esha July 15, 2017 at 4:28 PM

    I hear you, Sanchie. I think we all have situations when we feel like a fish out of water. The thing that really makes a difference is if we consistently feel that way in the group we spend most of our time with. I have been there Sanchie, so I know how people feel about women not wanting children. I was exactly like you and then, one fine day, when I finally decided to become a mother, my first thought was, what are these people going to say? Over the years I’ve realised one thing – You know people are always judgemental about others, no matter what you do, so either way, it really doesn’t matter. With time, I’m sure you’ll move on and get to a point where it will stop affecting you.

  • Reply Vinitha July 15, 2017 at 4:55 PM

    I agree, having or not having kids is an individual choice. It’s a commitment, a heavy one. At times I go through what have I done phase. You are right about the sour grapes comment. I am envious of child free couples. I look back into our childless days fondly. Of course, I love my kids, I make sacrifices everyday for them, I lose my sanity, I lose a bit of me every single day. I don’t know if it is worth it. But I wanted to have kids. So no complains. You made a decision based on what you want, I’m sure you won’t regret it, Sanch. Feeling like a fish out of water, that I do every time I talk to people these days. I have become a socially awkward person. God knows!
    Vinitha recently posted…Wordless Wednesday 40My Profile

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